Survivor's Guilt

Layoffs. They happened. All around me.

At the company I am consulting at, they let a ton of people go. For some reason, I am still there, even as a consultant. I am boggled. I feel a weird mix of relief, guilt and giddiness.

I was feeling pretty good for a while. I was not listening to the radio or watching the news, content to bury myself in an audio book during my commute, rather than listen to NPR. I was even thinking of springing for the $100 to get my minivan detailed. Now, not so much. I will keep my $100 in the bank, thank you very much.

My husband works for General Motors. His boss told him he didn't have anything to worry about a few weeks ago. After Sunday's forced removal of the CEO, there seems to be a lot more uncertainty about the future of GM, and in turn my husband's job.

Even while I made it through today's cut at the company I am currently consulting at, I feel like the ax can come down at any moment. My employer has a bench and my boss has tried to convince me that I don't have anything to worry about, but I can't help myself. If my current consulting gig ends and they don't have another position for me, that might be the end for me. Even if they do keep me, working on contracts and the like, they have been asking consultants to take pay cuts.

We don't have enough in the bank. I have to get serious about spending less and saving more. More about that later.

At what point do we decide that it is no longer enough to be thankful that we have a job?