Survivor's Guilt

Layoffs. They happened. All around me.

At the company I am consulting at, they let a ton of people go. For some reason, I am still there, even as a consultant. I am boggled. I feel a weird mix of relief, guilt and giddiness.

I was feeling pretty good for a while. I was not listening to the radio or watching the news, content to bury myself in an audio book during my commute, rather than listen to NPR. I was even thinking of springing for the $100 to get my minivan detailed. Now, not so much. I will keep my $100 in the bank, thank you very much.

My husband works for General Motors. His boss told him he didn't have anything to worry about a few weeks ago. After Sunday's forced removal of the CEO, there seems to be a lot more uncertainty about the future of GM, and in turn my husband's job.

Even while I made it through today's cut at the company I am currently consulting at, I feel like the ax can come down at any moment. My employer has a bench and my boss has tried to convince me that I don't have anything to worry about, but I can't help myself. If my current consulting gig ends and they don't have another position for me, that might be the end for me. Even if they do keep me, working on contracts and the like, they have been asking consultants to take pay cuts.

We don't have enough in the bank. I have to get serious about spending less and saving more. More about that later.

At what point do we decide that it is no longer enough to be thankful that we have a job?

Food Exchange - March 30 - Away for the Weekend

I was away for the weekend, so am running a day behind on the food exchange. Also, I needed to send something seriously easy again, so here goes.

What I Sent
Italian Sausage
The best way, I think, to make Italian sausage is the way my grandmother does it. Brown sausage links in a skillet. Add water to come about half way up the sausage. Simmer and turn occasionally. When water evaporates, turn cooked links around in the sludgy bottom a few times until a sticky crust is formed.

Rachael Ray's Pasta with Roasted Tomatoes
There are no local basil this time of year, so I sent some jarred pesto along instead.

What I Received
Heavenly Pork Roast and Veggie Couscous
Tilapia and Veg in Parchment

Food Exchange - March 22 - Just Getting it Done

We need to eat. I am sick and can't taste anything anyway. So, I made something easy.

What I Sent
Maple-Mustard Chicken Thighs
I used leg quarters which I deskinned. I am definitely of the camp that on the bone is better, tastier, juicier, but am not a big fan of skin, unless it is really crispy. I had a huge pack of chicken quarters in the freezer that I needed to use up, so away they go to others' homes. I feel guilty that I didn't provide local, organic, but as I said, they were in my freezer and not to use them would have been wasteful. I promise to be better.

Pasta with Blue Cheese Sauce
There are several recipes for blue cheese sauce on Recipezaar, but I didn't really follow one. Here is what I did.

• Sauted shallots in olive oil, salted to allow them to sweat.
• Added flour and made a white sauce of half-and-half and milk
• Crumbled blue cheese in it and allowed it to melt.
• Seasoned with white pepper, black pepper and marjoram (I would have liked to have had some fresh chives or parsley, but didn't so added some marjoram instead. Later I noticed that the chicken recipe had marjoram in it, so it was a happy coincidence). No additional salt was really needed. The salt from the cheese and that added to the green onions was enough.
• I sent along some penne to toss with the sauce. Would also be excellent with gnocchi.
• When I was in college, I ate at a restaurant that had a blue cheese pasta with grilled chicken and walnuts, so I toasted some walnuts in the microwave and sent them along.

What I Received
Kielbasa Stew
Burgundy Beef and Egg Noodles

Pity Lay Shredding - Starting Over with Level 2

I suck. Level 2 has thus far been a rocky road and it isn't just because of the plank position. I was moving along swimmingly. Well, as best as could be expected when starting such an endeavor. Level 2 kicked my butt. I dreaded starting each day. I would often finish feeling slightly dizzy, sitting on the floor, folded in half and panting. But, I was still doing it, and felt stronger, which felt great.

Then, I went away for the weekend. I dutifully brought along my weights, yoga mat and DVD, only to find out later that the DVD sleeve was empty. Wasted weekend. So, I figured, I would tack a few days on to the end of the 10 day cycle. I continued on. I was finally getting the hang of the dreaded squat-thrusts and was no longer sticking my butt up in the air during plank-jacks. Then, 4 days later, I came down with what seems to be a most resilient cold. It didn't matter that I have tried 3 over-the-counter cold medications. None of them have taken away the constant nose blowing and general malaise. Since I was dizzy just with the toll that level 2 placed on my body and was now dizzy whenever I got up off the couch, I deigned to not partake in level 2 for a few days. I am still sick, but am bound and determined that tomorrow will be the day. I am shredding, snot box or no.

I fear since I have not had continuous exposure to level 2 that re-engaging in this activity will be tough. It might very well be. I don't think that cumulative days really count. I feel like I need consistency also. So, I am starting over with level 2. I will be behind my shredding counterparts by a cycle, but feel I need to restart in order to reap the full benefits. I haven't seen the results of our fearless Shredding leader, Kristen, but I do have more energy. I run up the stairs and actually seem to need less sleep. So, I am keeping it up. I am determined to look as good as my husband this summer.

Kindergarten Conundrum

I thought it was tough when I had two kids in full-time day care and worked full time, pumping breast milk in the morning, at lunch, in the afternoon, driving home (you read that right!). I thought it was tough when I took a job with a longer commute, adding an hour on to my already hectic day. As it turns out, that was nothing compared to the confusion that ensued when my oldest started Kindergarten.

The miscellany of Kindergarten is getting me down, seriously.

My oldest is in Kindergarten and the youngest is still in pre-school, each with their own schedules, events and other crap I have to remember. Hat day, pajama day, bring in money for this, sign that, bring in a box to make a Leprechaun trap with.... it never ends! A constant flow of reminders, taped up signs, papers, the madness! THE MADNESS! They can't organize themselves enough to send a succinct list of items once a month, even once a week. Items dribble in from both ends every day of the week. The school has assemblies and tells the students things, trusting that they will tell us. My son is in Kindergarten! He can't even keep track of his gloves! So, when things come out that were discussed at an assembly, I then have to write notes or e-mail his teacher to discover the details. To top it off, I just discovered that the school posts items on their web site that aren't communicated any other way. WTF?!

I think it would be even daunting for a stay at home mother to navigate the piles of paper that enter my home. Oooorrrr, maybe that is my own wishful thinking. Perhaps she would keep a chart, perhap labeled in and out boxes by the door to the garage.

I want this to be a growing, experience-filled time for my son. It is partially that, but it often seems that kids are bogged down with all of the nit-picky items that plague us as adults, the miscellany. I am working hard to simplify life, but with the chaos of school on top of everything else we have going on, I feel like I am fighting a losing battle. I understand now why parents so look forward to summer.

Food Exchange - March 15, 2009 - St. Patty's Day Celebration

For this week's food exchange, I figured I might as well aim for an Irish celebration. I am a big fan of themes, so it is hard to resist such an opportunity. I used to take the day off work and bounce from bar to bar on St. Patrick's Day. Since my lifestyle doesn't really support that kind of celebration anymore, I'll take whatever I can get.

What I Sent
Joy of Cooking's Irish Stew
I think Irish stew is a great way to introduce yourself to lamb if you have not had it previously or are not a big fan. I usually use a leg of lamb for my stew. It is quite mild in flavor compared to other cuts. I, unlike some people, particularly like dealing with a whole piece of meat with all of its bones, fat and silver skin. I feel like it brings me closer to the food and keeps me aware that it was once a living animal. It makes me more humble and grateful.

This stew is a rib-sticking mix of lamb, potatoes, onions, carrots and barley. The recipe uses a great trick that I use on a few soups and stews. Some potatoes are sliced thinly and some are left chunky. The thin ones melt in to the broth and thicken it while the larger pieces stand up to the long cooking. This stew is particularly satisfying when it is cold out. But, since it finally warmed up this weekend, I sent some gremolata along with it. A finely chopped mixture of lemon zest, parsley and fresh garlic really brightens up a uniform stew when sprinkled over the top.

I was going to also send some Irish soda bread with it, but ran out of time. Perhaps I will get a chance to drop it off before St. Patty's Day hits.

I doubled the recipe and it was more than enough for the three families.


What I Received

• Three Bean Turkey Chili
• Mystery casserole - That's not the name. I really just have no idea what's in it yet.

Pity Lay Shredding - Salute to Level 1

It's finally over! What? You say there are two more levels?!?!?!

Ten days have passed and the first round of shredding has finally come to a close. Ah, 30 Day Shred 1, I will miss you. It was a mixed bag. You were bad, you were good. I am thankful for the peer pressure or I might have dumped you long ago.


Fondest Memories and Observations

• The "Okay" that kicks off the awkwardness that is Jillian trying to be likable. I probably won't miss you too much.
  
• I creak and pop a lot more than a 35 year old should. Hip circles, knee circles, arm circles, lunges - you all make me feel old.
  
• Jumping makes my fat jiggle.
  
• The background women are taaallllll, Amazonian. Anita seems to be in the best shape, but must be sad about the saddle bags. Natalie's boobs are suspect. She cheats some too. Can't trust someone that smiley.
• Jillian's demonstrations of the wrong form. Who does that?
• Admission - I missed one day. I ordered (whoops!) Chinese take-out and accidentally (whoops!) ordered a beer to have at the bar while I waited. Beer + Shred = Hot Mess
  
• My cat lying next to me during chest flies, meowing each time I brought my arm down on him, but refusing to move. I guess any little bit of attention is good attention.
• My floor is gritty! I am seriously going to have to start vacuuming.
  
• Unfortunately, my kids did not lose interest as the process continued. They were continually underfoot. Their favorites moves were knee circles, boxing and butt kicks. Sweet Silly's "special spot" was between my legs while I did sit ups.

Current Physical Condition and General Points

• I remember fondly a day when I could do the full push-ups. I am still not there. The modified are tough, nonetheless. Towards the end, I was throwing in a few extra sets as this is one of the places I really need to step it up.
  
• The first 2 minutes of jumping jacks and jumping ropes were always tough. I just don't think I was warmed up by then. By the last set of cardio, I was jumping like I was doing one of those double jumps. I was never coordinated enough to do those with a rope, but I like to simulate.
  
• I loooovvvve boxing. I used to take classes from a US light weight champion in another life. I noticed while I was scoping out the next few episodes that they boxed and butt kicked with weights so I started using mine the last few days for those. Prepping for the pain!
  
• It never really got too much easier. As the days progressed, I felt more comfortable with what I was doing, my form got better and I was able to tweak things to make them harder, deeper squats and the like, so I was always able to push myself.
• 20 minutes or so is still hard to cram in. I was often Shredding late at night, after eating dinner. Not ideal. If it weren't for the time change, I would like to think I could get up early to shred.
• 5 lb. weights are not ideal for everything. It is not enough weight for chest flies, triceps or biceps, but is plenty for pretty much everything else.
• Weight - TA DAAAA - 165 lbs. That's right. I gained two pounds. My husband is kind and says that muscle retains water when it is trying to heal from working out. I fear that I am subconciously allowing myself to eat more to reward myself for all of the hard work. For the next round, I am aiming to really modify my eating habits. No more grazing!

So, all in all, I still feel good. I feel good that I am doing something for myself, for my health. I still don't look as good as my husband, but I am working on it. I have extended the challenge to him. I want him to do level 1, at least once, maybe the other levels too. I want to see how he does. We'll see if he accepts. If he does, I will note here how it goes.

I have watched level 2 and I is skared! It's getting ugly. I hope I don't cry!

Food Exchange

A few friends and I came up with a rather brilliant solution to the age-old question, “What’s for dinner?” We are all working moms and although I love to cook, putting a family dinner on the table every night is a challenge. So, we each make a dinner every week and exchange it. The dinner may be fully cooked or may require some assembly by each family the night of dinner. If you are familiar with the stores in which you can pre-make dinners and freeze them for future use, such as Dream Dinners or Super Suppers, you will get the concept. We are each responsible for sending a main dish and a starch. Salads or veg are up to each family.

So, each Sunday, we each make an extra-large batch of one dinner. Most of the time, I can get away with doubling a recipe since all of the kids are still small. We package them up and the husbands cycle through responsibility for delivery.

I used to spend the whole afternoon on Sunday prepping food for the week. While I wish I could get away with that all of the time, I have other things that I also need to get done. Exchanging dinners also reduces the number of different ingredients I need to purchase and so simplifies my grocery shopping and reduces waste. How often had I bought an ingredient for a recipe that I only used part of and left the rest to slowly rot in my fridge? Also, since I am usually guilty of making way more food than my family can conceivably consume, exchanging helps keep me in check and reduces the amount of leftovers we have.

Three families participate, so we each have three dinners for the week that are already thought of, prepped and easy to prepare. On the other nights of the week, we come up with our own food, order take out or have leftovers. It has worked very well for us for about seven months now.

What I Sent This Week:

This is not the healthiest dinner I have ever made, but was specifically requested by my husband, who is hard to say no to since so willingly eats all of my experiments.

My Mom’s Meatloaf

I think this was called Beef Mushroom Loaf and originally came from a Better Homes and Gardens cookbook from the 70s. This recipe is 70s old school. It is not at all fancy, but is beloved by my husband and children alike. My husband loves it so much, he wanted it mentioned in our wedding vows. I think the original recipe called for onions, which when I copied the recipe as a child, I omitted. Nowadays, I sauté some chopped onions and add them to the mixture. I am most decidedly of the camp that thinks that mixing a meatloaf by hand is absolutely the way to go.

• 1 3-oz can broiled mushrooms
• Milk
• 1 slightly beaten egg
• 1 ½ teaspoons Worcestershire sauce
• 1 teaspoon salt
• ½ teaspoon dry mustard
• Dash pepper
• 1 ½ cups soft bread crumbs
• 1 ½ lbs. lean ground beef
• 2 tablespoons ketchup

Drain the chopped mushrooms, reserving the liquid. Add enough milk to the mushroom liquid to make ½ cup. In a mixing bowl, combine the mushroom liquid, egg, Worcestershire sauce, seasoning and bread crumbs. Let stand for five minutes. Stir in beef and chopped mushrooms. Mix lightly but thoroughly. Shape into a loaf in a 13 x 9 x 2 inch baking dish. Top with ketchup. Bake in a moderate oven (350°) for one hour.

I put the meatloaf in some pans that I use especially for food exchange, ready to pop in the oven.

Sludgy Potatoes, a.k.a. Nigella Lawson’s Creamy Potato Gratin

This is great on almost any holiday, with pork, beef, lamb, whatever. It is an easy and decadent replacement to mashed potatoes and is so flavorful, you don’t need or in fact even want gravy. It also reheats well, which is a boon for the food exchange.

I made 1 ½ times the original recipe, which looks to be more than sufficient to feed the three families. I executed the stove top cooking at home and provided the potatoes in plastic ware with the instructions to heat in the oven the last half of the meatloaf cooking time and then dot with butter and do the 500° blast. This stuff is so darn good, I pretty much ate it for lunch right out of the pot (checking for doneness, ya know).

I would post pictures, but everything is currently raw.

What I Received This Week:

Cranberry Pork Chops and Rice Pilaf
Chicken Lazone

Survival Float, a.k.a Dead Man's (Mom's) Float

Instructions from eHow.com on how to survival float.

1. Take a deep breath and hold it
2. Float in a vertical position with your face down in the water. Only the back of your head should breach the surface. The air in your lungs will keep you floating.
3. Relax. The purpose of the survival float is to conserve energy.
4. Let your arms and legs dangle. Your arms may float up to the surface.
5. Raise your head when you need a breath of air. If you need to, bring your arms and legs slightly upward to the surface, then push them downward to help you elevate your head for a breath.
6. Return to a relaxed floating position.

I particularly like the dangling of arms and legs and returning to the relaxed floating position. Conservation of energy. That's what it's all about. That and the breath of air - long, slow, deep breaths of air.

It's So Easy Being Green

I have been working on bettering myself in the area of being green. To the right, you will find some of my favorite green things. I will be adding some items if I try them and like them or just maybe think they are a darn clever idea. Here are the ones I like so far.

Sigg Water Bottles
My favorite! On top of introducing plastic that will be with us forever in to our garbage, I started wondering how much water was tossed inside of those water bottles every year. I figure it can't be pretty. The Sigg water bottle eliminates all need for plastic bottles and is safe to drink out of. There aren't any dangers with BPA or other contaminants. It has a handy finger hook on top, so I can easily carry it to meetings at work, underneath the pile of laptop and papers. Santa also brought me the comfort top so that I can drink out of it with as much comfort as a plastic water bottle. The Easter Bunny is bringing a small one for each of the kiddies.

Zum Clean Laundry Detergent
I have been using the Frankincense and Myrrh type for the length of about a half a bottle. It smells great, works great and we need to use only very little. We figure that the cost is not very different than more commercial laundry detergents. It is good for the environment, good for our souls and we reap even more of a good feeling, because it was bought locally in the town I grew up in.

Nature Mill Electric Composter
I really dislike putting something in a plastic bag and then in to a landfill that would normally biodrade and return to the soil. A few reasons I selected the Nature Mill Electric Composter over other styles, such as a drum composter;

1. We don't have enough lawn waste, typically, to fill up a large drum. We were mostly looking for a better way to handle our kitchen waste.
2. We wanted a continuous composter, rather than batch, so that we didn't have to purchase two, or keep our garbage stink around for days, waiting for the current batch to finish.
3. We can keep this composter in our garage, for use all winter long. Because it maintains its own temperature, there's no threat of frozen compost ruining our composter. While they say that you can keep it right in your house, we have had our share of funky smells out of it that would prevent us from doing so.
4. It turns itself. No manual intervention required. It even tells us when the compost is ready and all we need to do is push a button to transfer it to the bottom hopper for drying.
   

While we have had our challenges with composting; mildew, slime; it is no fault of Nature Made and the issues are typically easily corrected by an adjustment of the contents. We are crossing our fingers for when we re-plant our front bed this year, hoping that our new compost will make for some beautiful flowers.

Perf Go Green Garbage Bags
I picked these up at Walgreens and we are extremely happy with them. As I mentioned above, I don't feel right ensconcing anything in a plastic bag that might have a chance of eventually biodegrading. These not only will do so, but also seem to hold up well to my family's abuse and nicely hug the top of our kitchen garbage can. Garbage bags that slip in to the garbage can is a major pet-peeve of my husbands, so if these didn't perform well in that area, they would be out, green or no.

The Green Glass Company
I haven't tried these yet, but aren't they beautiful and so smart?

Shredding to Not Look Like a Pity Lay

I have a hot triathlete of a husband. I used to think that people might think that I was the catch, but since he has started seriously working out and built himself a huge chest and big set of guns, I have come to the harsh realization that he is the catch.

So I have sincerely been meaning to do something about my sparish tire, back fat and lumpy bottom for a while. I have played with a gym membership, several rounds with Weight Watchers and several classes of Zumba. Hopefully this latest escapade will stick to more than my ribs. Some fine ladies from Twitter, particularly Kristen from MotherhoodUncensored started a group called Shredheads. We are challenged with doing one of Jillian Michael's 25 minute Shred exercise routines a day, for 30 days. It is claimed that one can lose as much as 20 pounds in a 30 day period. 20 pounds?!

Kristen suggested that we share the following as part of our exploration for our smaller asses.

Before pictures Um. Not so much. Note sparish tire, back fat and lumpy bottom reference above.
Handle - SpareTireSister
Tag Line - Aiming for big head, little body syndrome.
Weight - half way to a monkey's... oh, alright - 163
Goal - to not look like a pity lay - about 20 pounds from now. Oh, and also to have Michelle Obama's arms.
Diet Plan - Listen to Jillian harangue me for approximately 25 minutes a day. Peer pressure myself through the #Shredheads group to keep it up.
Personal Rules - Try to eat in moderation and avoid the salty, sweet things I love. Do NOT buy another bag of Hershey's Kisses for my desk. Eat the fruit rather than letting it molder on my desk.
Shred Plan - Start at the bottom; Work my way up. May not make it past level 2 since that is where the free stuff ends.

Today was the first day - level 1, 5 pounds. It was surprisingly not so bad. The worst part was my kids underfoot, working out with me. Luckily, they recognized it was hard and were huffing harder than me. My six year old son asked me if it would make him lose weight. Of course, I told him that he didn't need to lose weight and he exclaimed, "Yes, I do, because of this!", throwing open his robe and shoving out his hard-boiled egg belly. He has a surprisingly muscular back and then he turns around and, whoa! There is his belly. He is not fat, but his belly is impressive. Hopefully, both of them will lose interest as this progresses.

I am slightly sore and I will completely admit that the push-ups and some of the arm raises were killer. We'll see how I feel tomorrow. As of now, I am comfortably snuggled up and actually feel a sense of accomplishment today.

Doodie!

What was that movie where the candy bar is floating in the pool and everyone runs out because they think it's poop? Well, that happened for real for us. My almost four year old daughter (you read that right) pooped. in a pool. at a rental house.

Well, that's just pooptastic.

Pooperific.

Poopalicious.

We were on an extended weekend holiday with two other couples who each have two kids of their own, similar to our kids' ages. I was on duty, watching the kids swim. The kids had mentioned about something in the pool, but I was concentrating on getting them out and didn't pay close attention. I got my kids dried off and handed them over to my husband while I got in the shower. My husband showed up a few minutes later, knocking urgently on the bathroom door, telling me that Silly had to get in with me. He had found the remnants of the poop in her bathing suit. But that was only the beginning.

We frantically Googled "poop in a pool", which immediately provided the information we were looking for. It also provided an interesting drink recipe. Once we poured drinks (that did not involve simulating poop), notified the other parents and got the other kids in the bath also, my brave husband then proceeded to don his swim trunks, arm himself with a 2 liter plastic pop (poop) bottle and brave the waters to "turkey baster" the offending items from the pool. After about an hour, two showers and several bouts of gagging later, he gave up and left to get some more formal poop-fighting weapons. Luckily, the stores in upper Michigan were already stocked with pool supplies. Some shock and a small net seemed to do the trick, although while swimming the next morning, several more cloaked culprits were discovered. The kids and the parents were all very understanding about it, considering we were paying for a house with an indoor pool that we lost use of for about twelve hours.

This whole situation begs the question, why would a formerly potty trained, almost four year old girl think it is OK to poop in a pool? I don't think she even knows. There may be hope, though. On the drive home today, she had to go, um, number two, urgently. We pulled over to have her try to go outside. Understandably, she wasn't keen on exposing her teeny-tiny-giny to the cold Michigan winter. My husband offered her a pull-up, but she was having none of it. She whined and arched her back, but managed to wait the several miles to the next gas station. She was so excited and proud of herself that she had held it. We'll see if a lesson has been learned.

Oh, and my husband has since informed me that the movie was Caddy Shack.